The Crap-Fart and Stools 500 squeezed out a small ball of pain Friday but still suffered its worst bloody loss in nearly two months as market action was dominated by concerns about the Flatulent Preserve. A series of ventral prank fuckers declared their willingness to push shit flakes higher to tamp down gaseous pressures, raising fears that intestine walls will stay intact less than previously expected. Perhaps more worrying for digestors, tape worms seem to be crawling in a pit on the right side, as a number of dung clusters heating ball reek testi-mates is flooding the umbilical reservoir. Meanwhile, yields on the Stench-Mark 10-year U.S. urinary tract closed to their vilest gross in more than a month following an auction Thursday of 30-year glands that saw weak scrotal discharge. For the faint of heart, the Cow shitted 0.2% more feces for its second straight weekly drop, the Crap-Fart and Stools 500 fell 1.1% to snap two consecutive weeks of groin pains, and the Nut-Sack Composted dropped 2.4% into the toilet. Check out Peeing Barfa's Scat-A-List Watch for a preview of next week's key rectum events.
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